Mashrou' Leila · El Hal Romancy
Mashrou’ Leila | Inni Mnih
I wanted to carry the sky on my shoulders, now I have trouble carrying myself…
Mashrou’ Leila | Inni Mnih
I wanted to carry the sky on my shoulders, now I have trouble carrying myself…
Yeah..okay. (She nodded, slowly standing up from her seat. She wanted to go to him and hug him and kiss him and thank him for not rejecting her after all she had done. This pregnancy was a lot to take in for the both of them and she could sense unease in the way he looked at her and even throughout their conversation. So she kept to herself and made her way towards the office door, opening it she turned to look at him) I’m sorry…and thank you. (Stepping through the opened door, she paused once more to address him before closing the door behind her) You should get to bed soon too. Don’t overwork yourself.
[Asi barely picked up his head to look at her. He nodded when she spoke- ] I won’t. Good night, Theia. [And went back to work. He stayed up for a couple more hours, pretending to work when he didn’t finish anything at all and sat with his messy and scary thoughts. He knew the following months won’t be a walk in the park…]
Really? (She spoke the word with a little too much excitement than the situation called for, but she was happy either way. She wanted to stay with him for as long as she could, but if things got too difficult, for either of them, she could always go and stay with her aunt. Clearing her throat and continued) …Well if you’ll have me then I’ll stay. I would love to stay with you.
[Looking up, Asi nodded. He met her eyes but there was uncertainty in his gaze. And most of all, he looked exhausted. He feels exhausted.] Then stay… You should probably go to bed. It’s getting late…
I…had hoped to stay here with you but, I don’t know…I don’t know if that’s a good idea. If you would even want me. (Theia had never felt so timid and so uncertain in her life. Everything was still new, whirling and she felt as if she were watching someone else’s life, watching someone else’s mistakes but it wasn’t someone else. It was her. It was her life and her mistakes. She wanted to stay with Asi, more than anything. She wanted to be by his side forever but it didn’t seem right to her to stay with him.) I sold my place after I decided to stay here with you, so I might go stay with my aunt.
[Asi thought for a minute, not wanting to say the wrong words. He did want her to stay with him but he worried how he’d be for the following months. What if having her around and seeing her every day will just drive him to think all the thoughts that’d make dealing with the whole thing more difficult. He knew the answer to this already. He did. There was also the big chance of being restless while she was gone. Wondering what she was doing and who she was seeing… Would he rather go through that or just deal with the pain?] I’d like you to stay. At this point, I don’t know what else to offer or what I should offer but you have my house for as long as you want. There’s not need to pack to stay with your Aunt. [At least she didn’t bring up about staying with Christian, he thought to himself.] It’d be better, I suppose. [He started to phase back and forth.] I’d be able to monitor how you and the baby are doing… But then again, the last decision is yours.
(Aletheia was taken aback by Asi’s sudden outburst, that she jumped so violently that her hands hit the bottom of the table, nearly knocking it and the food over. It was the first real emotional response she had received so far and one that she secretly felt overjoyed about. He didn’t want to harm the baby, no matter how much the thought of it possibly not being his may hurt him. She knew that she shouldn’t be surprised. The way he took care of Sabah was a clear indication of the kind of man and father Asi was. She gave him a small smile.) If you don’t want me to do the test, I won’t do it then. We’ll wait until the baby is born to know for sure once and for all. And I plan on telling Christian. He has every right to know. I…don’t really want him involved but it’s the right thing to do.
That’s settled then… Have you decided - where you’re going to stay? [He thought he’d let her decide. At this point, it didn’t matter what they were or who she was to him. She’s pregnant, having a child, and she had to do what’s best for her. If he was to decide for her, he’d want her to stay. With him. Always. He’d like to make sure she was taken cared of although she could very well take care of herself. But he wanted her to know that he’d be there for her no matter how hard this was hurting him.]
(She placed her trembling hands onto her lap, finally gathering up the courage to look at him. There was so much more to the story and she was too afraid to tell him. Too afraid of what he might do, but she couldn’t lie to him. She wouldn’t lie to him and as she looked at him, she was both relieved and worried that he wasn’t looking at her and that he was incredibly calm after hearing the news.) Yeah, he…um, kept blowing up my phone a few weeks ago trying to get back us together so I thought I would indulge him and go and see him. I wanted to tell him things were really over between us, that I didn’t want to be with him anymore and that I loved you and there was nothing he could do to change that. Then we started drinking and one thing led to another and… (She took a deep breath, stopping herself from giving him anymore details. It was bad enough that she was pregnant, unsure of who the father even was, but this could possibly be just as bad, maybe even worse.) No, I haven’t told him yet. I wanted you to be the first to know. I would like to get a paternity test now and the only one available is invasive prenatal paternity testing. It’s accurate but if I do it…I could possibly lose the baby, but there’s a small chance that could happen.
[Asi finally stood up where he sat.] You are not doing that test! [His voice raised and louder than he intended it to be. Realizing that he was almost shouting, he took a deep breath] You - you’re not doing that test, Aletheia. [He swallowed and had much control with his voice this time. Pausing, he slowly moved his eyes to her, catching another confession from her that sounded more like an echo… “I loved you.” He thought that’s what she said but not directly to him although she pertained it to him. She said this to Christian but slept with the man afterwards. He closed his eyes, once again avoiding her gaze. He didn’t know what to believe or what to feel anymore.] What are your plans? Personally, I think… You should tell Christian about it. [It pained him to say the words but with what Rasima put him through the last time, he just felt for any fathers who were missing the opportunity to get to know their child in general. Rasima refused to get Sabah tested or any of the men, including him, she had been with tested to know the truth. Not that he would dare compare Theia to Rasima, there was no comparison. He cared for Rasima at one point but there was no doubt that based on what he knew of Aletheia that the younger woman was a better person. And she proved it by telling him the truth. And letting him know that she is willing to have a paternity test.] I just feel that - even of you don’t know who the father is - he should miss the chance to share this experience with you. I just ask you one thing, don’t do the test. I’m sure Christian would agree. I wouldn’t want any harm happen to you. Or our - or your baby.
I… (She looked away from him, unsure of how to answer his question. She didn’t know. She honestly did not know if it was his…or Christian’s. Christian always used protection, but that one time maybe… She most certainly wasn’t going to lie to him and tell him that it was his, but she knew deep down that he or she probably was Asi’s child and that she had every intent on finding out the truth the moment she could. Taking a deep breath she spoke) I—I won’t lie to you and tell you that I know for sure, without a shadow of a doubt that this baby is yours, because I don’t. I don’t know if the baby is yours…or Christian’s, but I pray to God that it’s yours, Asi. (She wanted to look at him, to see what he was feeling, but she was too scared, too scared to see the disappointment or the anger that may come with such news. It had happened to him once and now it was happening again with her)
[Asi took a deep breath and took a minute to let what she said sink in. She’s pregnant and she wasn’t sure who the father is… It was Rasima all over again and the pain that he felt four years ago suddenly washed over him like a big tide and swept him until he was rolling within a wave of emotions. He was able to control himself, avoiding her gaze unaware that she was attempting to do the same. He didn’t know what to feel but he didn’t know exactly how he feels…] Christian? [He managed to say the man’s name. He was aware that all those years they’ve been apart she’d been with other people and that was okay. But knowing the fact that she had been intimate with someone that possibly resulted to a child was too much to handle.] Have - [he swallowed] - have you told him yet?
[Timeline: 10th November 2013, Sunday, 2:25 p.m., New York City]
The apartment had been quiet since he got home about four hours ago. Asi sat in his office facing the wide window that looked down the city below with a glass of whiskey in one hand. He didn’t drink often. When he did, it was usually to help him sleep… And he had been having a hard time sleeping since the night he spoke to Theia 43 days ago.
It had been more than a month and still the news of her pregnancy still hadn’t sank in. He wanted to be there for her, to be happy but a point in his past where he was in a situation similar to this one with Aletheia haunted him. Especially when Theia told him that there was a possibility that the child is not his…
Rasima although didn’t have the guts to at least be honest that he wasn’t the only man in her life and the she could’ve possibly been pregnant by her ex-boyfriend [or whoever she was with at the time.] Instead, she chose to make him believe that the baby she was carrying was his. It turned out, Sabah wasn’t his and Rasima chose to let him know right after she gave birth to the baby. It broke him into pieces. He’d never been the same since. He held that child in his hand, fell in love, and made that promise that he’d always be there for her no matter what. And he kept that promise even after Rasima’s news shattered him. And Sabah will always be his girl and one day she will come to live with him and he will make sure it will happen soon.
Getting excited about Theia’s pregnancy was really hard. He didn’t want to distance himself from the woman but he didn’t think he could ever go through another painful experience all over again if what he worried about came to be true in the end…
The doctor said it’s been twelve weeks. (Nods) So three months.
Right… [He swallowed, not quite sure how to feel about the news. He felt he needed to say something but what, he didn’t know. Was he happy? He couldn’t say.] It’s mine, right Aletheia?